In horrifying news that surfaced on social media, a teenage boy from Kerala was reportedly sexually abused by multiple men for over two years, often in his own home when his parents were away. Details revealed that the boy had been using a gay dating app meant strictly for adults, where he falsified his age to gain access and invited older men to his house. The case shocked many: some rushed to blame the child, while others condemned the men involved.
While the perpetrators must face legal consequences for their inhumane acts, the incident raises deeper questions about parenting, awareness, and communication. A child — regardless of the choices he makes online — is still a child, and abuse can never be justified. But the situation also exposes a painful truth: negligence, lack of guidance, and silence at home can leave children dangerously vulnerable.
This is where parenting plays a defining role. A child’s growth is influenced by many factors — socio-economic background, environment, community, and peer group. Yet the most profound influence remains the emotional foundation laid by parents: the love, safety, and trust they provide. From the moment a child begins life in the mother’s womb, their future starts to take shape — not just in terms of physical and intellectual growth, but in the emotional framework that determines behaviour, resilience, values, and even how they understand love and identity.
Adolescence is especially delicate. Children who are shy, introverted, or who struggle to connect with peers often seek validation elsewhere. Many feel too ashamed or fearful to confide in their parents about their struggles with identity, sexuality, or emotional needs. Girls may find it somewhat easier to open up to mothers, but boys often struggle to communicate with either parent, leaving them more susceptible to the deceptive comfort of strangers or online platforms. When this silence persists, it creates a dangerous gap that predators are quick to exploit.
Parenting, therefore, is not simply about providing food, education, or shelter. It is about creating a safe space where children feel secure to explore their identity without fear of judgment. Society often frames attraction to the opposite sex as “normal” because it supports reproduction. But family is not only about biology; it is about love, mutual trust, and shared emotional responsibility. A true family is built not by gender roles or expectations, but by understanding and empathy.
This brings us to a vital truth: being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer is not a disease, not a phase, not the result of neglect or trauma, and certainly not a mistake. It is simply part of who someone is. Parenting cannot determine whether a child grows up heterosexual or homosexual. What it can determine is whether the child feels loved, accepted, and safe enough to embrace their identity without falling prey to exploitation.
The future of an individual is influenced by many factors — socio-economic background, environment, community, and location. However, the most significant influence is the emotional foundation created by the parents — their relationship with each other and the love and support they provide to their child.
From the moment a child begins life in the mother’s womb, their future begins to take shape. That future includes not just their physical and intellectual development, but their emotional framework: behaviour, attitude, resilience, values, and even their understanding of love and identity — including their sexual orientation.
Yes, you’ve understood it right. This article explores how parenting influences a child’s identity — including whether they grow up heterosexual, homosexual, or identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. More than genes or biology, it is the support, empathy, and understanding shown by parents — both toward each other and their child — that shapes the foundation of a secure identity.
Society often considers attraction to the opposite sex as “normal” because it supports the continuation of the species through reproduction. While biologically, two people of the same sex cannot have children together, a family is not just about reproduction. It is about love, mutual trust, shared values, and emotional responsibility. A true family is built on understanding and emotional investment — in each other and in the child.
Before addressing that, let me say this: as an author, I often write about gay and transgender individuals. It is my chosen genre, not to sensationalise, but to humanise — to give voice to the often unheard. Every piece of fiction I write carries a subtle message — for society, and particularly for parents.
Let’s be clear: being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer is not a disease. It is not a phase. It is not the result of neglect or trauma. And most importantly, it is not a mistake. While I don’t claim to be a scientific expert, this blog aims to speak from the heart — to appeal to parents to listen, pause, and understand their children before forming judgments.
Sexual orientation develops through a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and social factors. It is not a choice — it is an intrinsic part of a person. Let’s take a look at some of the scientific understandings:
Biological Factors Behind Sexual Orientation:
- Genetics: Some research suggests that certain genes may be linked to same-sex orientation.
- Hormonal Influence: Hormones in the womb, especially androgens, can influence brain development.
- Brain Structure: Studies show structural differences in the brains of homosexual and heterosexual individuals.
These findings suggest that sexual orientation is a natural part of human diversity — not something caused or chosen.
Debunking Common Myths:
1. Childhood Trauma Causes Homosexuality
There is no credible evidence that sexual abuse or trauma leads to homosexuality. While some LGBTQIA+ individuals may have experienced trauma, correlation is not causation.
2. Poor Parenting Leads to Homosexuality
Sexual orientation is not determined by parenting styles or neglect. However, the emotional environment during pregnancy can influence a child’s development. A mother’s well-being during pregnancy — supported or undermined by her partner — sends powerful emotional and hormonal signals to the unborn child. A sense of safety and love during this time can shape the emotional resilience of the child. If the environment is hostile or detached, it may impact emotional development — but it does not determine sexual orientation.
Medical Associations Affirm:
Leading global health bodies such as the American Psychological Association, American Academy of Paediatrics, and the World Health Organisation confirm:
- Sexual orientation is not a disorder.
- Being gay, lesbian, or bisexual is a natural variation of human experience.
- Conversion therapy or efforts to “change” someone’s orientation are harmful and ineffective.
So if you’re reading this as a parent — or someone trying to understand a loved one — approach them not with fear or blame, but with compassion. Let your first response be one of listening. Let your instinct be to protect, not correct.
If you fear your son may grow up to be gay, remember: what a child becomes is deeply connected to how their parents treated each other and treated them — starting from the first day of pregnancy. A father’s emotional support to the mother, his presence, his understanding — all of it matters. After birth, shared responsibility in raising the child, time spent together, and emotional availability are not optional — they are essential. A child growing up in a loving, secure home where both parents are emotionally invested is more likely to grow into a confident, self-assured adult — regardless of whether they are straight, gay, or otherwise. Their identity should be accepted, not punished.
In the end, what a person becomes is the reflection of their upbringing — the love they received, the security they felt, and the trust they were taught. Everything else comes second. If your question is coming from a place of concern, curiosity, or trying to understand someone close to you, the best approach is compassion, openness, and acceptance. Sexual orientation is a deeply personal part of who someone is — not something to be fixed, blamed, or judged.
Finally, the Kerala case is not only a crime against a boy; it is a reminder to parents everywhere. Children need awareness, guidance, and most importantly, open conversations about identity, sexuality, and safety. If parents fail to provide that safe space, society’s shadows will. But if they succeed, they can raise children who grow into adults secure in their identity, strong in their values, and confident in their humanity.
Disclaimer: This article is based on personal reflections and publicly available scientific research, including sources such as Wikipedia, YouTube, and medical literature. It does not claim to provide medical advice or psychological consultation. Readers are encouraged to explore authoritative resources and professional guidance for a deeper understanding.